


per ardua ad astra

by mb_can_only_hope



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Recovering, F/M, I'm making it about Bucky bc he's the handsomest, POV Bucky Barnes, and no one will because my heart can't handle it, bestest man ever and i love him?, bodyguard!Bucky, but given that I don't know how to write characters, fix-it fic perhaps, fluffy and tooth-rooting-softness because sometimes that's what we need, hell yes, is this a story that's been in my mind for years, is this probably how I imagine a relationship with Bucky would be? yes, no one died in this fic, so this is another bodyguard!Bucky AU, there are many Bucky POV, there is some canon divergence bc of endgame, they take care of each other, this is my first work so be gentle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26697883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mb_can_only_hope/pseuds/mb_can_only_hope
Summary: Amelia Anderson was a woman like no other. All she ever desired to be, she was. She accomplished all her goals and everything she set up to achieve. Failure was not an option, just a stop along the way. Always controlled, elegant, poised.James Barnes was a man who had gone through hell and back and came back winning. Scarred from his past, yet the wounds had healed and became just a memory from all he'd been through. Wise, caring, serene.They'd both lost someone who meant the world for them, but learned to cope with it, day by day.But what happens when she lets go of her control, screws up and needs protection?James Barnes is there for her. And there's no force in the multiverse strong enough to stop him from doing his job.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 1





	1. she loves us both the same

“… so yeah, that’s pretty much it: my boyfriend died, I drowned myself in work to avoid dealing with my pain, in that time I made an incredible publication that angered a lot of people, to the point that now you have to be here, taking care of me. The weird thing is, it took them two years to notice it but once they saw it, boy I was in trouble” – She said this with such nonchalance it seemed she was talking about the weather or the traffic report, not about the fact that her life was at risk. Taking into account her demeanor just a few moments before, void eyes staring but not really focusing into anything, lost in the memory that was playing in her mind, voice flat barely above a whisper, James Barnes was surprised with how easily she changed profoundly, yet in an imperceptible way.

She was sitting on the floor now, staring at her laptop, waiting for it to do something that James Barnes had no idea of. But this is not how he found her. Them, actually. She’d been cuddling on the couch with Morgan, watching a movie. The little girl had been with her until she saw her “uncle BuckyBear” and now was hugging him, waiting for him to pick her up and play whatever games she had in mind. Normally he did, that girl was sunlight, always putting a smile on his face, he loved her fiercely. Before he cut his hair, he’d let Morgan “braid” it to later go back home and ask Sam to help him untangle the knots, removing glitter he didn’t remember her putting on and all sorts of things she often put in his hair.

It wasn’t a surprise that she almost cried when she saw him with his short hair.

Today, he visited for a different reason than the usual. He was there to meet his new client. That didn’t stop her from running to him as soon as she saw him. This would be a memorable day for her, since her two favorite people were there, though one of them wasn’t used to being discarded, which is why she was surprised when Morgan ran from where she was with her, both of them almost asleep, to hug a man so far unknown to her, but who probably visited often due to the closeness with the girl.

“So this is it, huh?” - she mumbled to herself as she stretched to wake up her limbs - “This is who you change me for. I guess I had to expect it. This is my karma for telling your parents that you loved me more” - she stood up from where she was and walked towards them. James Barnes heard it, but was pretty sure the kid didn’t hear her because she was more focused on introducing her two favorite people.

“Sis, this is uncle BuckyBear, he used to have really long hair and let me braid it but then he cut it. - she looked at the man now - He still lets me style it, though. Uncle BuckyBear, this is my sister, Amelia. She’s the coolest ever, she can speak a ton of languages”

James knew there was no way she was actually the kid’s sister, but he played along. Before he could say anything, Tony walked into the room.

“So, child I did not have but somehow is the sister of my daughter - he said - remember your “problem”? - he air quoted while saying the last word - well, here’s the solution” - he signaled towards Morgan’s Uncle BuckyBear - but I think it’ll be better if you call him by his given name. He gets cranky when you call him by Morgan’s nickname. Amelia Anderson, meet Sergeant James Barnes. I’ll let you two get acquainted and take my real daughter with me. Come on, Morgan, let’s go annoy your mother, I mean, see what she’s doing”

“Okay. Sis, I hope you and uncle BuckyBear get along and become friends, maybe he’ll let you style his hair too!”

If the man standing there, awfully quiet since he arrived, felt embarrassed by that, he didn’t show it at all. After they left, she motioned towards the couch so she could discuss her situation with the Sergeant. As she was folding the blanket Morgan and her were using, she asked him about how much he knew about her situation. He went on to sit on a chair nearby.

“Not much, really. I’ve recently finished a contract so I haven’t had time to look information about you. All I know is, and I quote, come over to New York, Barnes, Morgan misses you and I’ve got a job for you. I won’t tell you more about it because I’d rather that you hear it from her, but don’t worry, she’s nice. That was this morning while I was already heading back here to visit a friend, so I thought I’d stop by and check out Tony’s potential job”

As she told him the story, the brief version, he assumes, she searched for her laptop and sat on the floor, for reasons unknown to him.

Why would people sit on the floor when there’s so many available seats?

“Okay, then. You already know my name and I guess my age is not relevant. I’m an economist but I focus mostly on development policies, rule of law and quality of education. In my free time, I write book reviews and this nonsense that people like (and I have no idea why). The thing is, I have no filter. At all. Whether it is to tell that I hated a book, there’s a film that everyone should see or a policy that’s not working, I won’t hold back my opinion. That’s normal, right? everyone does that - this is the first time she looks at him since she turned on her laptop and started typing on it -. Anyways, I used to have a human filter who’d often soften up my writings, making them less aggressive, his name was Thomas. We’d been together for five years by the time he got sick, then the Snap happened while he was in the hospital and suddenly there were no doctors and so much chaos - she stops and takes a deep breath -

“We went back home and decided to spend together whatever time he had left without the smell of the hospital tarnishing the memories and all those machines making him look so small and weak. We went back home and hid as the world fell apart, taking shelter in each other. He started to get better, we both believed the disease was gone, the doctors said there was little chance for it to come back after his “miraculous” recovery - she air quoted around the word - she lift her eyes up from the screen and stared at him, who was focused on her, trying to get as much information as he could from her posture, tone and body language, she had stopped typing and was softly scratching her legs while staring at the screen - initially, the doctors had said six months, and three months before you superheroes undid the Snap, he passed away. - she pauses for a moment and then continues - So, yeah, that’s pretty much it...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! what do you think will happen next? let me know in the comments!  
> kudos are very appreciated :)  
> thank you for reading <3


	2. analyzing her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is what James Barnes has discovered about Amelia so far.  
> oh, have I mentioned that this is sort of a Bucky POV?

This is the information he had gathered so far: 

There were various sides of her, all delicately connected in the person that was Amelia Anderson. 

She was a versatile woman, easily sliding between the different parts of herself she needed to show at a certain moment. Sergeant Barnes noticed that during his research while looking at Amelia’s blog - the color scheme, fonts and overall appearance of her website changed based on what you clicked on - if it were something related to her investigations, it was put together to allow concentration with as little eye-strain as possible, with few distractors. When you clicked on an article about a topic she wanted to catch your attention on, the title fonts became much flashier and the colors somewhat more seductive with various color palettes, and so on with the different topics that one could encounter on her website. 

What he suspected from the beginning was further confirmed as he started to spend more time around her - she shaped herself according to what she intended to do on that day and the kind of people she was going to meet - showing them the Amelia they wanted to see, which reminded him a lot of Natasha. They both similarly changed themselves, like chameleons, to adapt and be what is needed from them in a specific situation. 

When he arrived at her apartment, he noticed something was different. She wasn’t running around making breakfast, finishing getting ready or simply singing to the top of her lungs “to wake herself up”. Almost immediately after he knocked on her bedroom door, she let him know that day she was going to stay home, as she was feeling ill. He opened the door a little, to check on her.

“Is there anything I can get you?” the Sergeant asked, attentive. Right now, lying on her bed beneath a mountain of blankets, she reminded him of Steve, back in the day. “It’s okay, Sarge, I’ve got all I need, but thanks anyway, I appreciate the concern”. 

“I will be in your living room, then. I’ll make some calls and inform the team about our change of plans. If you need anything, just let me know” 

“Thanks, Sarge. Would you mind turning off the lights?” He stretched from his position at the threshold to his left and turned off the lights. Then he walked out, leaving the door halfway closed. Amelia then turned around, making sure she was completely wrapped - burrito style, and fell asleep quickly. She laid there, pretty much inactive throughout the whole day, which let him investigate more about the threat, since there were still many loose ends to figure out. With that article, she pretty much put a bullseye on her back, gaining many enemies who suffered with her publication and now were seeking revenge.

Her phone, however, wasn’t inactive. She received numerous mails from her work, notifications from her blog, updates on research she had been doing, texts from friends and family, all preoccupied with her well-being, even more as the date in which her boyfriend died grew closer and closer. All of which went unnoticed by her. God bless the “do not disturb” mode. If you added menstrual pains to this recipe, well, you'd too stay in bed no matter what was happening in the world and how much everyone needed you.

The Sergeant was aware of the date and had assumed her ill state had to do with that, which is why he didn’t go to her room to check on her and restrained himself to check the camera in her room for movement every now and then. 

He didn’t worry about her suffocating beneath that insane amount of blankets she had on because her smartwatch sent notifications about her vital signs to his phone. After a while, he got thirsty and went to the kitchen. 

He helped himself with some lemonade and sat back in his place on the couch _“please, Sarge, my fridge is your fridge, you are taking care of me and I'm not even paying, so at least help yourself with whatever you want to eat while you're here, it's the least I can do to show you my gratitude”_ she had said the first week he started the job.

Had he mentioned that Tony was covering the payment? “Well, Barnes, the kid loves her and despite her annoying self, I love her too. Besides, I kind of feel guilty. Ever since Tommie appeared he’d taken my place, well, JARVIS’ place, and checked the posts she made when she was feeling too much. The way she writes, it’s like all she's feeling bleeds in the paper and that is both a blessing and a curse. Anyway, she had no beta reader ever since Tommie passed and I used to do it before him, but I hadn’t done it for so long that I forgot and it totally slipped my mind that her first publication after the love of her life had passed away would be soaking with all she was feeling and would be raw, pained and as unfiltered as she could get. One would think her editors would have had something to say about it, but they greenlighted it right after checking for spelling mistakes, which was weird, now that I think about it. So, in a way, I feel it my fault for not being there for her, so, let me pay. It’s not like I can’t cover your fee” 

\----

James Barnes really liked her. She was the easiest to work with, if he had to be honest. In her own words, “it’s pointless to hire a security guard if you’re not going to listen to them and just do what you want”. Amelia was open to whatever suggestions or new rules he had to ensure her safety, whenever she disagreed with one of his decisions she talked to him and let him explain himself instead of throwing a tantrum which only ended in a potentially dangerous situation that could have been easily avoided. 

The other day was a proof of how flexible and comprehensive she was. 

“We’re not going to the book launch?”

“No, miss. It seems as an unnecessary risk” 

“There's no need to call me miss, Sarge - she rolled her eyes and continued drinking her morning coffee as he drove - I've already told you to call me Amelia. Why is it a risk?” 

“It's the venue, miss - she shot a look at him and he corrected himself - Amelia, it is not secure, it doesn't have surveillance cameras and too many big windows - a half trained shooter could shoot you easily there” 

She nodded “I don't like it but I guess you're right. I really like the author though and wanted to get a signed copy - she let out a sigh and after a moment asked - hey, and what if they changed the venue to somewhere you approved?”. 

“I guess if you manage to get that done, there will be no problems with going” a smile lit up her face as she started making calls. By the end of the day, they were both going. That day, James Barnes noticed that even though she wasn't nowhere near having Stark’s influence, she definitely held some strings to pull to get what she wanted. 

And the book launch was held in a venue pre-approved by him, one he chose, actually. It was something to see: a woman like her, ruled by no one other than herself (according to the intel the team had gathered), giving up control so easily, giving him that much trust, validating his opinion and ideas like few had done before. Her being this way? made his job so pleasurable that it almost didn’t feel like a job, except the impending threat that lured behind and had so far done no damage other than warnings.

It made sense, though. She was centered, logical and rarely irrational. All of her decisions seemed calculated and thought-over, not rushed at all. So, obviously, she’d do whatever it took to ensure her safety. His only worry was the fact that they hadn’t discovered the threat yet. There was a ton of paperwork to go through yet, even though it had been three months since they started working together -  _ “because, Sarge, you’re not my employee, we’re working together and you’re closer to being my friend that anything else, so don’t you dare that you work for me” _ \- and the amount of suspects had shrunk significantly. It wasn’t a needle in a haystack anymore but more like a needle fallen in cream colored floors, hard to find yet easier with the right method. 

However, he was sure that sooner or later he’d find them, whoever it was that caused this organized mayhem in her life and in the meantime, he’d continue doing his job: protecting her. It seems like he had come to this earth to protect people: Steve, HYDRA (though unwillingly), then Steve again, a couple other people and now Amelia. But most importantly, he had learned to protect the most important person, and this was a job with no expiration date (so far): himself. 

\----

Amelia got out of bed as the sun was setting and found the Sergeant sitting on her couch while he held a cup of coffee, just staring at the horizon as it changed its colors. If no one else was in her house, she’d probably just lay in her bed doing nothing other than breathing, but she knew it was rude and inconsiderate to do that to the man taking care of her - who more than likely didn’t know what to do while he waited once he had finished his tasks for the day. Had she mentioned that James Barnes was the most organized man she had met so far? 

“I have come back to the land of the living” she said entering the room, wrapped in a large and fuzzy blanket, her hair in a sloppy braid, wearing warm pink pajamas and the fuzziest pair of green socks the sergeant had ever seen, “would it be unprofessional to watch a movie and eat a lot of sweets with me, Sarge? There are no hidden intentions, I promise. I just need company, if I spend another minute in that room alone, my mind will go spiraling and that’s not good” she added the last part because, when they met, he had stated the lines he would not cross. He was very professional and Amelia admired that. James Barnes was a man that caused all sorts of feelings in her, most of which she labeled as different types of admiration. He deserved a 100k long story written about him and even though her fingers itched to write it, she felt she could do no justice to him. Someday she’ll try.

“I don't think so, no. I would really like to watch a movie with you, Amelia” he smiled and you did as well, the Sergeant was incredibly handsome and had a contagious smile which was impossible not to correspond. “Is there anything I could do for you?” 

“No, I'm fine, thank you. I'll just put a lot of cookies in the oven and while they cook, we can choose a movie. I assume that will take us a while” 

“Are you feeling well enough to cook?”, he said, looking towards her as she went to the kitchen, having first left the blanket on the sofa. “Otherwise, I can make them, if you have the recipe” he offered as he stood up from where he sat on the couch. 

“Well, Sarge, this will probably come out as TMI but, Aunt Flo has finally calmed down so I'm feeling as good as I can be. Besides, I already have them prepared, it's just taking them out of the freezer and putting them in the oven” 

“Wait, you have a visitor? I don’t remember anyone on the list-”, his eyes widened and his cheeks blushed lightly as he understood what she were referring to, “Oh! I get it. Sorry” he scratched the back of his neck, somethingshe noticed he did when he was uncomfortable. “would you like me to help you?” 

“Sure”, she said as she turned on the oven. He went towards the fridge and passed her the tray with the cookies “y'know, Sarge, you're such a gentleman sometimes that one would think that you're from another time” 

It was a dumb joke, one she had said before, and they both knew it, but he still chuckled. “oh if I had a penny for every time someone told me that”, now it was her turn to laugh. Then she kept quiet as she put the cookies inside the oven. 

Amelia put a timer on her phone as they walked out of the kitchen and towards the living room. They sat next to each other, she turned on the TV and then asked “So, Sarge, what do you feel like watching? An action film, a rom com, scifi or fantasy?” 

“Whatever you want it's fine. More than likely, it will be a movie that I have not seen yet so I don't really mind” 

She put her hand on her head, remembering “I am really stupid enough to joke about your age and the moment later forget about it.” she lowered the hand on her lap and turned to face him, leaning back her head on the couch “so, Sarge, I assume you have a to-watch list like Cap does, I read that online, so, can I see it?” 

“Yeah, sure, I don't mind” he unlocked his phone and later passed it to her, his eyes acquired a glimpse of mischief and said, “ just stick to watch that list and that list only, don't go through my phone” 

As she grabbed the phone, she said, “Geez, Sarge, it was ONE time and it wasn't even your phone, it was Dave's” he showed a little side smile. A week into their arrangement, she noticed that even though the Sarge seemed quiet and reserved, he did enjoy the occasional joking and teasing. Having inside jokes with him made her happy, James Barnes was someone she wanted to know thoroughly, not just because of the fact that she might- probably-very-likely develop a crush on him sooner or later, but because this man seemed genuinely interesting, different, new and refreshing although he was definitely not young and it was perhaps that out of this time air that James had that delighted her. 

Amelia chose a movie that was not in his list, “one of the best rom coms ever” and one of her favorites growing up, called 10 Things I Hate About You. In front of them lay the cookie trays half filled, Amelia had been eating them non-stop, as if it were popcorn. He, on the other hand, was more focused on his coffee mug - she made some of the best coffee he had ever tasted ever since he came back. It was a big mug, easily double the size of a normal mug -she said those were too small and always left her wanting more. 

Bucky glanced away from the screen for a moment - he found a certain ease when he looked at her while she seemed a child staring at their favorite toy, it was the best way he found to describe it: eyes shining, focused, a smile on her lips and the occasional squeal during a scene she loved. The sergeant hoped to like the movie, because if he did, they both would have a safe topic to bond over - despite his quietness, he enjoyed the little talks he had with Amelia, and wished to have more of them. At the same time, he felt wary and often was harsh with her because he feared she’d ask about his past at some point. He had made peace with it, but had no intention to tell everything about it to her, she'd give him the sweet puppy eyes she had seen her give to her friends whenever something had happened to them and even though it came from a place of love - he guesses -, he didn't want her to look at him in any other way than how she looked at him everyday - with sunlight in her eyes, warm and tender, as if he was someone she admired. 

Thankfully, there had been no indication of her curiosity towards the subject. So far, she hadn't asked and there were no indications that she would; still the thought of answering questions about his past made him nervous. She, however, had this calming vibe within her that she easily transmitted to everyone else, a calm that eased him and the people around her, it was almost as if it assured him everything was going to be alright. Though he had no reason to believe things would work out, he found himself compelled by her calm and often found himself calming down. The days were easy and breezy by her side, the long lonely nights were not.

They were easier to go through sometimes, whenever they had shared a special moment, like today. They had spent a lot of time together, Amelia being herself without all the layers and armor she put to face everyone else, maybe she was becoming more comfortable with him or it was just the hormones and the impending date that was coming. Whatever it was, he was thankful for it, because it meant getting to know more of her, more pieces to the puzzle that she was, which only seemed to get bigger and bigger, the image getting clearer yet still fuzzy. He had added a new activity to his favorites of this century: “movies, cookies, coffee and blankets” - that’s how she called it because “you know, Sarge, watching movies has way too many different connotations now, so you always have to be specific about your movie night”

As the sergeant drove the way back to his apartment, he had a feeling that tonight, he would get a good night of sleep. He had thoroughly enjoyed their time together, laughing and talking about their personal lifes. That afternoon he learned about her high school years and her two-year long crush on her classmate Matthew, who now was one of her bestfriends. Someone she says “well, I might just fall in love with him again given the right circumstances or end up marrying him, I SO see that happening. I don’t want to let my friends win, though, which is why every time he even suggests going down that road, I straight up reject him and blatantly change the subject. Besides, I could never do that to Tommie. Every desire I had for marriage went down with him. The only marriage I could ever have is to my job”

In return, he had told her about his first real crush: a girl named Mary and how dating used to be back then. He also acknowledged he was a serial dater back then. Sam had joked around saying that he was falling for Amelia, even if he didn’t notice it yet, to which his answer was a strong negative, which was true. He did not feel anything romantic towards her, nevertheless he had warmed up to her, as much as he could.

If he had to name it, he'd call it a  _ philos _ kind of love. The other day he read a post online about the different names the Greek gave to the eight forms of love they thought existed.  _ Philos _ was the kind of love two warriors who shared a foxhole feel for one another. Everyone was a warrior in their own way, they had spent every day together for the past couple of weeks and after being in her presence for such a time one could only but adore and admire her. 

He had also grown protective of her, not just because of his job, but because  _ he wanted to protect her _ . She reminded him of his sister in a way, but at the same time she was a stark contrast. She awoke that feeling of adoration in a lot of people, also the opposite in those who saw her as a threat to their agendas. That was the reason he was there, and Bucky Barnes would make sure he did a great job, because she deserved it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, what do you think? by the way, this story is not written in a linear form and there are often time jumps or sort of a circular chapter (like the first one) that ends where it began :)  
> don't forget to leave kudos and your opinion down below in the comments!  
> Thank you for reading, hope you have a nice day and if it wasn't, I hope it gets better!!


End file.
